Lookin’ Jolly

Ycows… I never thought I’d be so self-conscious about my cheeks.

Yeah, wisdom teeth surgery made my cheeks bigger than if I taped two ribbeting bullfrogs to my face. But that shouldn’t bother me! I’m Kevin after all! KEVIN LAM! KEVIO LAMIO! I’m rarely aware of what I’m wearing on a day-to-day basis, so why should I worry about my cheeks being bigger than a hot air balloon over a nuclear explosion? (That’s large, right?)

Well it did bother me. Throughout the whole day I felt like I was subconciously screaming “LOOK AT MY FATTY FAT FAT CHEEKS, EVERYONE! FAAAAAT CHEEKS”.

Although it bothered me more than Harry and Ron, I was luckily not bothered by others. I know everyone from here to Malaysia noticed my cheeks were chubbier than a babboon’s butt injected with 12 gallons of helium, but only a few people actually pointed it out. Sometimes I’d just be waiting for someone to say “heyyy… you, cheeks, heyo!”, or something meaner like “Hi hi hi. Hehe, I was just saying hi to you and your two new friends there. YO CHEEKS ARE HUGE!”. But I only got a FEW “oh… oh your… wisdom teeth HEY… hehe”.

This just in! Cheeks is a cute word. HAHA.

If it’s any consolation, every time I see myself in the mirror, I start laughing. I just look so silly. It’s like I’m holding two tennis balls in my mouth. Hey yknow what! The bottom of my face makes a perfect semi-circle!



I don’t know how I can use this fact to my advantage. I was thinking maybe I could now use a bowl as a mask… but I’m not sure why I’d want a bowl as a mask.

So school went okay, especially cuz it was only half a day. BUT THEN! Monday means I had to go to work! AT QUEST!! Oh no!

I oversee a room full of little children! Could you imagine how they would make fun of my “9th planet”-sized cheeks?! I could certainly imagine. When I walk into that classroom of 10+ crazy kids, here’s how I imagined what would happen.

Situation A:

(Kevin walks into classroom secretly)

Eddie: Hey Mr. K, I need help with my homework!

K: Okay.

Eddie: (sees cheeks) whooaaa what’s wrong with your face?

K: My face? I just got my wisdom teeth pulled out.

Eddie: You look like a chipmunk.

Meet: Mr. K? Lemme see!

K: Meet do your work!..

Meet: Hahahaha, you’re like a hamster.

Class: HAHAHAHHAHA MR. K LOOKS SOOOO RIDICULOUS!!

K: I’m ssooOOOooo embaaRRRrrraasseedd!

And that’s what I imagined would happen. (I dunno why it’s Eddie and Meet who did the talking.) Those kids and their pointing-stuff-out-ness! So either THAT would happen, ORRR, my boss Mr. Johnny would stop me before I even entered the classroom.

Situation B:

Johnny: “Uh… Kevin, if you go in that room with those bigass cheeks of yours, those kids are gonna make fun of you till dawn. Hey, even I had to stop myself from comparing your face to a humpback whale. So yknow what, why don’t you just stay and work in the office, I’ll give you some pencils to sharpen there.”

I probably would’ve preferred situation B.

“But” again, but none of that happened! I entered the classroom and those lil munchkins didn’t say a thing. I don’t think a single child even really noticed my extra face blubber. Those kids and their lack-of-observent-ness!

In all in, my day was alright. Less cheeky than I had expected, and that’s fine with me.

This just in! I shaved just now. It took me twice as long. HAHA just kidding.