Tune in NOW!

On the last episode of La vida del heroe

“Craig’s having an early birthday party? No way!”

“Yes way!”

“Sweet, Chipotle? (Also pronounced as as shih-poh-tul…) Nice.”

“JOKE TIME! How do ships travel to their favorite restaurant?”

“Water!”

“No… through the Ship-portal! Chipotle!”

“That’s not even how you pronounce Chipotle.”

“Look man, you gotta appreciate a joke for what it is.”

“Well I’m still waiting for one.”

“…SHIP PORTAL!!!”

“I’m gonna sit elsewhere.”

“Time to go bowling, guys!”

“My arm hurts! WHEN ARE WE DONE WITH THESE GAMES!?!”

“Well we paid for 2, got a free game… and hey the machine broke. Time to bowl SOME MAS!”

“The machine broke? Well my arm broke from all these balls.”

“That’s what she said.”

“My ears broke from that joke!”

“That makes no sense.”

“Let’s just all shutup now.”

“Hey look, a Jamba Juice coupon!”

“SMOOTHIE UP, GUYS!”

But the next day at retreat…

“OMG Facebook event invitation lolz! XC Alumni Retreat to Newport! Who’s on board?!”

KevinAnumMillyJaneKimberlyJanJaydeeVeronica: “WE ARE!!”

Kevin: “Okay I’ll drive…”

Milly: (based on actual convo) “Okay so at orientation, there was this beetle flying around, and it was near a girl’s head, and her friend was there, and her friend tried to hit the bug away for her, but she missed and hit my head. Would you do that for me?”

Anum: “Hit your head? Yes.”

Milly: “Noo!! Hit the bug away for me!!!”

Kevin: “HAHAAHHAHA”

Later…

“Let’s walk to Balboa!”

“What’s this glass shop? Oh this stuff looks cool!”

“My horoscope sucks…”

“No, you just suck.”

“That is true.”

“These burritos are delicious!”

“My samich is huge! And you know what they say about guys with big sandwiches, eehh???”

“What?”

“Oh. They say that their appetite is big.”

“Hey the Balboa Island Dinosaur!”

“Yay, let’s take a picture with it!”

“Haha, this is fun!”

“Let’s pose with it now!”

“This is so funny!! Haha!”

“It is now humping Jan. Let’s go back.”

“Set up camp!”

“Wait a minute… we’re like the people from Avatar!”

“PHOTOSHOOT AGAIN!”

“I’m Jaydee Aang, ready to save the world!”

“Kevin Sokka and Kimberkatara, reporting for duty!”

“Veronica Azula and Anum Mai, ready to kick some butt!”

“Jane Toph and Jan Bumi, bending some earth!”

“Milly Momo/TyLee, identity crisis?!”

“Ready for some pool time?”

“TAG YOU’RE IT!”

“HAHAHAHA!”

“Hahahaha!!”

“Hahah!”

“Hah!”

“Ha…”

“This is so tiring. What do we do now?”

All: “…PHOTOSHOOT!”

“Fashion Island rocks!”

“Only because of the Apple store though!”

“APPLE PHOTOSHOOT!”

“Wait guys… I think we had enough photoshoots for the day. My smile muscles are atrophying so much, I gotta start making up words. Don’t you think we should take a little break?”

“Yeah, I think you’re right…”

“Yeah………”

“HEY GUYS! Let’s make a video!”

All: “…VIDEOSHOOT!!”

“Let’s play the ‘choose clothes out for each other and try them on’ game!”

“Wait so we gotta pick clothes out for each other?”

“Yes.”

“Guess their size?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t this just like shopping for someone?”

“Uh huh.”

“Except at the end you have to wear clothes that you might not necessarily like, nonetheless fit?”

“Yup.”

“…Alright I’m down.”

“Red Robin sure is delicious.”

“Hey ladies, let’s all use the bathroom together at once!”

Ladies: “YEAH!”

“I don’t get it. Why do they have to all go at once?”

“I dunno! Maybe in order to flush, they have that thing where they gotta turn two keys in different locations at the same time.”

“Yes because that totally makes sense.”

“Girls work in mysterious ways.”

“ESCALATOR PHOTOSHOOT!!”

“Finally, we’re back at camp!”

“Let’s play a card game that totally won’t be long and totally won’t suck.”

“Phase 10 it is!”

3 hours later…

“GET ME OUT OF THIS HELL GAME!”

“No no! We’re almost done!”

“WHO CARES! My feet rot at the thought of completing this game. And if my FEET are rotting, you know something wrong.”

“Yeah something’s wrong with you.”

“Just deal the cards…”

“Alright guys. I’m trying to get wild and hoping for the runs.”

“Quote out of context?”

“Permission granted!”

“Hey we’re done… I won!”

“FI.NA.LLY.”

“Imma go pee now. Don’t you boys fall asleep while us ladies are peeing simultaneously.”

“Don’t worry, I believe that thought will keep me up all night.”

“Yeah girls are gross.”

10 minutes later…

“You’re all asleep you suck.”

The next morning…

“‘Mao’ is the sound a cat makes. Also the sound WHEN I WHOOP YOUR BUTTS!”

“Why are we playing cards again…”

“Mao is called Phase 11.”

Kevin: “I’m driving alone back to Cerritos for work…”

Once retreat ends, what’s next..?

“Hey Jane, let’s go to the student life orientation!”

“Alright! I hope it’s not boring like last time!”

A few hours later…

“Oh God this is so boring, just more presentations! It’s more boring than watching Two and a Half Men.”

“You’ve never even seen that show.”

“Yeah cuz it’s boring!”

“The scavenger hunt was fun though.”

“Yeah, I wish we got to kill more people though.”

“What? What the heck- we didn’t kill anyone. What do you mean ‘kill MORE people’?”

“‘1’ is more than ‘0’. Cmon. You know simple algebra.”

“And are you talking about killing people because it was a scavenger *hunt*?”

“Yes.”

“Well that’s stupid. ‘Hunt’ doesn’t mean ‘kill’. Just because you ‘hunt’ something, doesn’t mean-“

“Okay okay I get it! Geez. I’d like to hunt you right now…”

“Are you even LISTENING to me?!”

The next day again…

“Geocaching? What is this alien voodoo?”

“It’s like an international scavenger hunt.”

“Dude that’s awesome!”

“Hey look I found a box!”

“SWEET! Time to sign that paper!”

“YAY FUN!”

“Wait HOLD ON… this is an international scavenger hunt? That’s gotta be like genocide.”

Next time on La vida del heroe

“No, you don’t kayak with your body in the water!”

“I find it sort of ironic, going-away parties… Time to celebrate someone’s absence!”

“If it’s not my baby… THEN WHOSE IS IT!?” -enter, the dingo?!-

DUH DUH DUH!!

Please note that 98% of the above quotations were never really said. The actual EVENTS were true though… and that Milly and Anum exchange really happened too. I found it really funny.

Also noteworthy, tallest entry evah!?