WordPressed

Yesterday was EPIC!

Lemme esplain.

Since I didn’t have much homework, I decided to work on my next new project: NEW BLOG TIME!! Yup! On a totally different site! That just in, I’m getting ready to leave blogspot for a lil’ WordPress. HOWEVER, it won’t be done until like another half year or so, since I have to Photoshop a pretty layout, hard code a new template (Dreamweaver is for wussies! [but not really on the spare chance I might use it in the future]), and find a new webhost. Finding the webhost is probably gonna be the worse part, but hopefully I’ll be working so I can pay for good hosting.

Previous paragraph summary: I’m makin a new blog (for the far fuuUUuuture) with a program thing called WordPress.

If you’re curious… www.wordpress.org (I’m not using wordpress.com)

ANYWAY… back to epicallity… so to use this program, I have to install it onto my computer by jumping through various hoops and rings for installation. Yeah I literally have to print out a striped circle and throw my body all the way through it-… nevermind lame joke.

For the sake of keeping it simple, I have to do the following to use WordPress:

  1. Download an “Apache PHP” thingy so I can test my site.
  2. Set up a “database” for… well you don’t really care.
  3. Install WordPress.
  4. Eat some pasta.

I added the last one for my amusement, although I completed that step nigh ten times over.

Once I had a nice little Youtube tutorial ready, I was ready to be awesome! Oh wait, I was BORN ready! HAHA! HAHA! FUNNY CUZ I CALLED MYSELF AWESOME! I was ready to begin the installation. (Note: Downloading =/= Installing…)

Download XAMPP.

Check. (did that a month ago actually)

Download WordPress.

Check.

Open up localhost and set up database.

Check.

Create a user and give it privileges.

Check.

Take a shower.

Thankfully, check.

Create a wp-config.php file.

Uh… check.

Install WordPress.

Cheh-HOLD UP now…

It didn’t work. For some reason, inputting the web address in my internet browser didn’t bring up a page with a nice little “Install WordPress” button. I just got an “Error” page. And I had no idea what the heck was wrong.

This tortured, racked, and groin-kicked my brain for almost 2 hours. Aren’t computer problems just the worse? YES THEY ARE. Something on your computer could not work, and then it be like “I’zza not gonna tells you why yousa sucking!!”, double annoying because it sounds like Jar Jar Binks. Gosh, that guy is horrible. Can you imagine Episode I without him? It might actually be pretty goo-…okay well maybe not. Yeah, I’m about 10 years late to this issue. BTW, the Anakin actor seems kinda ehh weeiirrdd nowadays. Go Youtube it.

Uh… yes, so this sucked! I couldn’t figure WHY I couldn’t install WordPress. I ravaged through the internet all night looking for some kind of solution. When it was 11:00PM, I considered just stopping and giving up. I was stressing out, man, and I would’ve pulled out some of my hair if I knew how to wrap my hand around the thick mass that is my hair. BUHZING oh wait that was insult against myself. Nevermind. Dang. But I couldn’t give up on this! I WAS SO CLOSE! I was one web page away! One step away!

I just kept telling myself “I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP”.

I was kinda like the little engine that could, except I was not a train.

I was kinda like Leonidas in 300, except I was not shirtless and I did not die.

I was kinda like Marlin in Finding Nemo, except I did not blow up a submarine.

I was kinda like Sam in Lord of the Rings, except I’m taller.

I was kinda like Monk in Monk, except I didn’t search for a killer.

I was kinda like Obama in America (“YES I CAN)”, except I’m not black.

I was kinda like Carl Fredrickson in Up, except I am not an old man with a deceased wife and a floating house.

…I was kinda like a guy who didn’t wanna give up.

I went through dozens of forums and blogs until I finally found one little post. It said something like “blah blah, it needs to be in htdocs, blah blah..”. “Alright” I says “lemme try THIS solution now… it MIGHT work…” I dragged the wordpress file into “htdocs”, and wouldn’t you know it?

It worked.

HOT. ALL KINDS OF DOG. I was exploding with emotions – elated that I FINALLY got it, pissed that it took me so long, and confused because I didn’t know how to release all my emotions. I wanted to scream, or yell (which is probably manlier than screaming), but my parents were asleep, so I just walked around my house briskly, releasing my energy with odd grunts. I was a butt with a cork in the hole, ready to fart, but I couldn’t because I was in an elevator with other people, so I poked a hole in the cork to release it slowly. It’s not as satisfying, but it gets the job done.

It was midnight and I could finally sleep peacefully! Alright I admit, my actual story and its events weren’t too epic. But just my overcoming of this greater evil that is computer difficulties, building up that monsoon of emotions – THAT was the epic part, my good friend.

To make this post worth reading, here’s a preview of what I worked on today for the layout. That’s right – SNEAKY PREVIEW!!


Yeah… this took me a REALLY long time because I’m still learning how to use Photoshop CS4.

Also, sorry you had to read that butt cork metaphor. If you didn’t read it yet, just go back 4 paragraphs. Once you’ve read it, go ahead and accept this apology.

Actually… I’m sorry you had to read this whole post! But not really. Because you loved every minute of it.