To Convey Boil

Boil 1

Something bad happened to me a couple weeks ago.

My big, elaborate, stupid, wonderful 3D project melted in the car two days before it was due! It just fell apart, and so too did my morale. I was so distraught! THIS WAS HORRIBLE!! I spent weeks on this project, and just like that, it was gone.

Then I guess you had to glue it all back together, right Kevin? That only took like a few hours, RIGHT KEVIN!?

Oh ho general representation of outside perspective, your naivete could not be more misguided!! (Although I guess successfully guided naivete would make you more jaded than if you had an unsuccessful one? That makes sense?) So I thought I’d do my best to try to convey my emotions, try to get you to FEEL what I was FEELING.

I’ve been working on this project where I have to glue an assortment of wires together on 27 pieces of wood. For the weeks prior to the due date I’ve been doing them in parts using 9 pieces of wood for each part. It takes about, maybe, 8 hours for each part…

ACTUALLY, an analogy would be better. Here we go!

Essay = Project
Words = Wires
Sentences = How the wires are assembled
Paragraphs = The different segments of the composition

I have a big essay due. 40% of my grade. It’s 200 pages and I have to put all these words together to make a nice coherent story about anything so long as it follows a certain set of rules. Also, the story is about something boring and there’s a possibility that I might physically burn myself from the… very hot keyboard.

This burden can be represented by a big boil on my back.

Boil 2

As my worries grow, so does my boil, and as my boil grows, the heavier it gets.

So after weeks of putting these words together, forming sentences and paragraphs and whatnot, my essay is complete! It is lovely, I think I’ll get an A, and all that work sweat and toil is done! 200 awesome pages!

As I’m completing the project, the boil is shrinking until it is VERY tiny – could be mistaken for a pimple. All I have to do now is wait for my grade in a few days.

Boil 3

Then I put the essay in my folder.

A few hours later I open my folder back up. My essay is a mess. Words have scrambled every which way, the sentences don’t make sense, the punctuations are everywhere and nowhere – it’s a catastrophe! And the problem is that I can’t just delete the whole thing and start over. In order to put this essay back together, I have to use the exact same words I used in the first essay! I can take words out, but I can’t add anymore in because I ran out of words! (The last time I had this much sympathy for myself was during the Scooby Doo incident many moons ago… but that’s a different story.)

The boil returns, and since I only have two days to finish this essay, it’s 3 times as big!

Boil 4

I am broken. Can I just not do it? I mean it wasn’t my fault. It’s just a very unfortunate circumstance, I should not be graded down on that… NAY. NAY I SAY! I must fight on!

So I suck it up and get to work. I plan to put the essay back to how it was written before using the same sentences. It looks do-able since most of the same words are in the same paragraph. HOWEVER, some words have MOVED to other paragraphs and it’s nigh impossible to differentiate between the original placements of the words! Then I have this extra paragraph at the very bottom that has words I don’t even know where they belong. (BTW, this means the wires in my project were sorta in the right place, but others have jumbled up and I don’t know where they came from).

Seeing as how I couldn’t replicate my original sentences, I start over. I redo the entire project. I am able to salvage about 12 pages that look sort of right, but I have to construct the other 188 pages from square one, all the while still using the same words.

If this were an 80’s movie, now would be the montage of me constructing this essay. It would not be a very exciting montage, just me staring a computer screen and occasionally taking a sip of water. Maybe like an eight second montage.

After spending at least an extra 12 hours (in real time) meticulously copying and pasting the words in the right place, it is done. I HAVE CONQUERED THE BEAST! I complete my project for the SECOND time, and I am actually happy with the results. It probably doesn’t follow the original rules completely, but I am DONE. I don’t want to see anymore WORDS.

Also, my boil has fallen to pimple-size.

The end sort of.

So why did I go out of my wait to write this post to convey the sorrow I went through?

Well for one thing, SO YOU CAN FULLY UNDERSTAND MY PAIN. If I suffer, you must suffer too. Democracy. (Or is that communism…)

For two thing, this event needed to be highlighted. I was close to breaking down and just giving up. But I didn’t! The best (and only good) part is that I kept going! I sucked it up like a star-nosed mole and redid my whole project. It’s the classic tale of Man Vs. Stupid Project, and in this story, man succeeds. I thought I lost, but I got back up and punched that loser in the face.

So the grade I ended up receiving is irrelevant because it’s not the point of the story!

Wait maybe it is.

Boil 5


Moral: If you work your butt off, you’ll get a good grade. If you work your butt off twice the amount, you’ll be awesome.