Life Unexpectancy

It’s difficult for me to imagine living away from home.

I sorta imagine it like a sleepover at the same house everyday except with constant trips to the various stores for supplies. Right? Is that how it works?!

It’s difficult for me to comprehend this not because I don’t want it to happen (like… uh, drowning), but rather because I have never done this (like… uh, being on another continent). AND I WANTO! Quite badly!! But I am commuting to college. I am living at home. It’s like I’m missing out of this experience that dozens of others my age are experiencing!

“Well, Kevin, you’ll live on your own eventually, what’s the rush?”

Well, disembodied voice, that is true, but it’s really a different experience to live away from home during college (or so I’ve heard!??!). If I wait to move out until after college, what if I’m not prepared?? Why wait to get this experience so that when I’m done with college, I can kick butt at living on my own??

So my urge to move out naturally found relief when Jane and I started to consider getting an apartment next year.

She, a few friends, and I would get a place near the CSUF campus and TOTALLY live a life closely akin to our UC kin! It would be awesome. I could invite people over almost ANYTIME! If I wanted to hang out with a friend, I could just GO INTO THE NEXT ROOM! And best of all, THERE’S A LOT MORE STUFF TO DEAL WITH!!

What I mean by that is that I can mistakes. And what I mean by THAT is that I can actually experience real problems and find out ways to handle them. Noisy neighbors would suck, but it would suck! Horrible roomates would suck, but it would suck! I’ve been living in a shelter of “known”, I have to get out to the “UNknown”! Experience the best and worst of what life has to offer!!.. Buuuhh this probably sounds so cushy gushy, “I don’t wanna be safe, I wanna live!”, but to some extent, it’s true! Granted, I don’t want to be raped or get my car stolen, but that’s not what I’m going for. It’s the everyday responsibilities and mistakes I want to deal with. Forgetting rent payments! Figuring out what the heck to eat for dinner! That way I’ll know what to do when it REALLY counts. Years later when I’m out from under the wing of my parents, I will know how to handle life situations because I’ve gone through it before.

Gotta get a head start on this stuff!

But alas, after a couple weeks of considering this fantastical idea, tonight I realized it could not happen.

I was eating dinner with my parents when the subject of me moving out next year came up. Long story short, they said they wouldn’t pay for my rent junior year because they don’t support the decision. That wouldn’t be a problem if my job paid enough for food and rent… but it doesn’t. I could get another job, but if I plan to get that Nickelodeon internship next fall, I wouldn’t have time for a job anyway.

So my parents spent a good half hour telling me why I shouldn’t and couldn’t move out. I rebelled a little at the beginning, but during the middle and end I just kept thinking “dang… they’re right..”. (See part of growing up is actually listening to what my parents are saying, and then validating their stance DESPITE my preconceptions and desires. QUITE a demanding task if I can say so.) It was concluded that I should not move out next year.

Sidenote: I hope my desires to distance myself from my parents doesn’t make them seem like strict, demanding, abusive, homicidal maniacs. Because they’re not (as far as I am aware). My parents are great, really probably, I’d say, the Top 10 Parents in North America if Forbes thought to make such a list. Maybe they’d place at like #4. But that doesn’t mean my style of living completely coincides with theirs. Our family used to be 2 adults guiding some kids so they don’t bump into any trees. My sister and I relied on them. Now, with my sister gone to college too, the household has 3 adults with different views and wishes. I can now clearly see those trees in front of me, I just ain’t leavin’ the forest anytime soon. …Yeah, just wanted to make all this clear, my parents are awesome.

So a couple weeks of excitement and promise eventually led to disappointment. I’m back to square one, for I won’t be moving out next year. (Although if we’re talking about squares, I’m probably at like 72 by now, and I ALMOST stepped over to 73, but now I’m back to square 72.)

Throughout dinner tonight, it saddened me to think about staying one more year in the nest. It emo’d me out, man. “How do I cope with this..? How do I go through another year not living in a way I very much desire?”. But as lame as it sounds, the answer was in the question: I live how I want! Not, like, reckless abandon living, batting down mail boxes and graffiti-ing people’s faces. I mean I have to make the best of things! Make use with what I got! There are many advantages to staying at home – I can get free dinners, use a lovely drawing table, sleep in a safe neighborhood, and I’ll have a few hundred dollars saved every month for not having to pay any rent. So staying at home for my Junior year won’t be all too horrible. I think I’ll be just fine.

(Sorry if I got corny optimistic with this post ending. But I’m corny optimistic.)